i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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