we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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