Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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