i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
