and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My bed smells like the plague
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
