I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i will never coherently bang her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
