is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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