Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
