I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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