Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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