I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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