So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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