he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
