If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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