when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she told me i tasted like america
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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