Whod you bang
false alarm. still invincible.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
