if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
