we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
