shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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