If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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