I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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