My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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