So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just pee around me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
