i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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