i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No subtext here. People are naked.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
