so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
