I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
