I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
