I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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