Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize