You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
