woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
