Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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