Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
