I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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