just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
