Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
