Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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