Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
