You're my little dorito
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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