Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
