Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
