so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
