im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
