His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
