can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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