Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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