home. puking in laundry basket.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
