He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
