if you like me you must not know who I am
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
