my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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