If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
