I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
