problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
