Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
