doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
