Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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