Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
