im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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