Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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