OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
