i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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