i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
