Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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