Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize