Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
