when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize