I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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