we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
