we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
