the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
