How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
