If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
