I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize