There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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