Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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