just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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