how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
