Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
