I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
