i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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