also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
