I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
