apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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