So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
