I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
